As I have waded through the plethora of mommy blog posts and pins regarding motherhood, I have been floored by the angry, judgmental comments I have seen over and over again. Often these moms decide their way is the correct way and everyone else is not just wrong, but a horrible parent. I read a post by a mom who decided to stop attachment parenting because she and her baby were miserable and she got a comment on that post saying her child was better off without her and she should just drive off a cliff. Are you kidding?
Oh, Mamas. This is not okay at all. Being a mom is hard. We all have aspects of motherhood that we struggle with, insecurities, frustrations, exhaustion. The last thing we need to be doing is tearing each other down to climb on top of another mom to feel like we’re better. We should be lifting each other up and encouraging each other. As discouraged as I have been by the ugliness, I have also been encouraged to see mamas denounce these posts.
I think we can all agree that there are wrong choices in parenting. Letting your kids play in rush hour traffic, for example, would be a poor choice. Most parenting decisions have a wrong answer or two, but there’s no real right answer. There is general, traditional wisdom. There are so many methods, techniques, studies, books, articles, blog posts, etc all touting different ideas. The thing is, there is no one thing to do that will work with all kids, all parents, and all families in all situations. I have been a mother for five and a half months now and I’ve already changed up how I’d planned to do or started doing some things. They just didn’t work for Marshall. There are things I swore I wouldn’t do, like putting my kid in front of a YouTube video long enough to get myself something to eat because I was just so hungry. Oops.
What if, instead of warring and declaring our way to be best, we share our experiences with humility? What if, instead of criticizing and belittling, we build up and encourage other mamas? What if each of us humbly seeks God’s guidance for how to make the best decisions for our children and lifts up other struggling mamas in prayer? What if we give ourselves grace to try, fail, and try again without believing the lies that tell us we’re bad moms and extend that grace to other mamas as well? Can you imagine how much better we would all feel? Can you imagine the positive impact that would have on our children? What a better community we would have! If we don’t, we very well could all end up casualties of the Mommy Wars.
So dear Mama who has been injured in the Mommy Wars, I am sorry for the pain you’ve experienced and I encourage you to stand up and be a part of the solution. And please remember that God has given those sweet babies to you and you to your babies for a reason. He has entrusted their care and upbringing to you. You are their mama. Period.