Motherhood

Resume of a SAHM

Carrie J, aka Mama
Our Home – Just Yell – You’re Too Young to Email Me

Education:

  • Nana and Papa, 1987-present
  • Childbirth Education Classes, Brookhaven Natural Birth Center, 2018
  • Pinterest and blogs because 2018
  • Our home, May 2018-present

Experience:

  • No previous parenting experience
  • Nanny and babysitter to numerous wee ones (and not-so-wee ones), 2000-present
  • Elementary teacher, 2011-2018

Skills:

  • Nurse: Able to care for baby, breastfeed, change diapers, wipe boogers, bathe, administer medication, take temperatures, diagnose minor health problems and know when to refer baby to a physician
  • Personal Assistant: Keeps track of baby’s social calendar, appointments, etc.
  • Pack Mule: Carries an overloaded diaper bag, tote bag with toys/blanket/food, portable high chair, Boppy pillow, two bags of groceries, a jacket, and the baby in one load.
  • Taxi Driver: Shuttles baby to and from his various social engagements and appointments.
  • Chef: Cooks gourmet food for the discerning epicurean baby.
  • Laundress: Washes a minimum of two loads of laundry per day to keep up with baby’s diapering and clothing needs.
  • Maid: Cleans up after baby’s spit-ups and blow outs, keeps his home livable at the very least.
  • HAZMAT Responder: Poop. All the poop.
  • Librarian: Keeps shelves stocked and provides baby with story time on a regular basis.
  • Teacher: Teaches baby how to interact with the world, how to play, how to move, etc
  • Dancer: Can dance a fun and lively dance with baby in play or gently slow dance with a sad, sleepy baby.
  • Singer: Always sings and adapts songs to suit everyday situation. See footnote.
  • Entertainer: Plays peek-a-boo, patty-cake, and other silly games to entertain baby.
  • Night Watchman: Monitors baby’s sleep to see that nothing disturbs him and that he is safe.

Footnote: Examples of song adaptations
1. Rawhide – “Rollin’, rollin’, keep those babies rollin’, get them in their clothin’, rawhiiiiiiiiide!”
2. Boogie Fever – “Boogie fever…. Let’s get those boogies out! Boogie fever… No need to scream or shout!”

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